Is someone in your life ignoring your input?
You probably have at least one person in your life who makes you feel invalidated when you offer your opinion. This can even happen when you have expertise on the subject and even when they ask for your advice.
The result? You end up feeling rejected, hurt, unimportant, and (if you have spent time or done research) “put out” or used.
Your time and your effort matter!
Sometimes that can be overlooked by people who are in the midst of making a decision and considering multiple opinions. Sure, they may have asked for your opinion but they may also be considering many others.
It could also be that you are in an historically low influence position.
Why would you lack influence?
You might be the new person on the job, the “baby” of the family, an outsider to the situation, or been inactive with your input in the past. Those old impressions can be difficult and sometimes impossible to overturn – especially with family and long time acquaintances.
When family or friends disregard your opinion, you might try to impress them or win them over. While that might eventually work, it will likely take more time and effort than it is worth.
I highly recommend that you read Dr. Robert Cialdini’s book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. In it, he explains the key elements that support influence. They are:
Reciprocity – This is an easy one to develop. It is like paying it forward. If they have helped you with a decision in the past (or if you have been of help to them in the past), they will be more likely to consider your input as an important contribution.
Commitment & Consistency – Are you committed to your opinions and beliefs? Do you consistently act in accordance with them?
When it comes to influence, it is important that your actions are congruent with your beliefs. This is another aspect of influence that you can easily develop and maintain.
Social Proof – What are other people doing? People are often swayed toward an opinion just because other people hold it. That doesn’t make it right but it can create a tricky situation if your opinion or suggestion is unorthodox.
For you, the bottom line is that people will give your opinion more credence if other people are listening to you and holding you in high esteem. You can certainly develop this aspect of influence over time.
Authority – This is a very important element of influence. Multiple studies have shown that the majority of people (even intelligent and educated ones!) will act contrary to their own morals when guided by someone who seems to be in a position of authority.
Interestingly, the things that create perceived authority sometimes have nothing to do with authority at all. Aside from being in an obvious position of authority (like a general, the boss, or a recognized expert), appearance can also convey enough authority to elicit the same response as genuine authority.
For that reason, good looking people have more perceived authority than average looking people. Tall people automatically have an air of authority – so do those who convey the appearance of wealth. What these have in common is a certain intimidation factor. Yes, you can cultivate this type of authority. You may even have some of these attributes (and now you know how they can affect other people!).
Liking – You may have heard that people prefer to do business with people that they “know, like, and trust.” I love this because it is the easiest AND most effective way to develop influence. You don’t have to be rich, tall, beautiful, or an expert – you just have to be likable!
Scarcity – “Act now! Supplies are limited!” We’ve all fallen for the role of scarcity but how can you bring that into your life as an element of influence? You do it by setting boundaries on your time (and attention) and then sticking to them with commitment and consistency.
So now that you know a little bit more about the elements of influence, let’s go back to that feeling that you have no influence with certain people or in certain situations…
You probably look to your family and close friends for validation. When you don’t get it from them, it can be devastating. It can shake your faith in yourself. They will always be your toughest crowd!
Use Tapping or EFT to release the stress of having low influence.
Start by thinking of the last time you felt like your input was disregarded. You can also think of an upcoming encounter with someone who habitually asks for your advice and then ignores it. Imagine it in your mind as vividly as possible.
Tap this protocol out loud. You can also use this Tapping script as a template and tailor it to your specific situation.
On your Karate Chop (KC) Point:
Even though they don’t listen to me, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Even though I feel like I have been blown off, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Even though I feel rejected, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.