Do you ask for what you want OR what you think you can get?

(click here to watch the companion video for this post)

Have you ever asked for less than you really wanted because your true desire seemed like just too much to ask – too difficult, too expensive, too time consuming? It could have been anything from a car, to a raise, to love and support, to alone time…everybody has done it.

Your fear of “no” can cause you to deny yourself the opportunity to have what you really want.

Sometimes it works out ok. Sometimes you can convince yourself that you ended up with what you really wanted anyway. It’s human nature to justify decisions after they have been made so that you can get on with your life.

Other times, you might end up perpetually unhappy with your alternative choice. It wasn’t what you wanted. You settled and it still bothers you.

Settling for less can lead to regret, bitterness, and other emotions. Consider times in which you discovered that you could have had your heart’s desire all along – and it went to someone else because you didn’t ask. Why risk it? Just ask for what you want!

I recently accompanied a friend to the car dealership so that she could trade in her year-old SUV for the one she wanted in the first place. She thought she would be happy with the one she bought last year.

She tried to talk herself into liking it for months before realizing that she would never be happy with it. If, last year, she had held out and waited for what she really wanted, she would have saved thousands of dollars and at least a day at a car dealership. She will never get that money or time back. In the end, she got a great deal on what she wanted and all is well.

Asking for what you want is the only way to get a win-win deal.

When you settle, nobody wins.

If you don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get it. You will automatically be less happy than if you had asked for and gotten what you wanted. You will be less enthusiastic and less appreciative.

You will likely have to lie about your satisfaction with the outcome – to yourself and to the other people involved. You might even hold other people accountable for your lack of satisfaction because you didn’t feel comfortable asking…

Click here for the video!

Tips for getting what you really want

Describe it.

What DO you really want? What is your best-case scenario? Decide what that is and write it in one or two sentences.

Create three variations of your best-case scenario. How many other ways could your desire be satisfied? Slice it and dice it in ways that give the other party a choice, too. That way, you have three equally good choices instead of first, second or third best.

Imagine it.

In your mind, imagine what it will be like to communicate or negotiate for what you want. Use your mental rehearsal to work through kinks and relax into the process. Do this until you feel like it will be a good experience.

Release it.

Have you ever noticed that some things come easily? Sometimes you get exactly what you want, fast. Many times it comes in unexpected ways.

Have you ever noticed that many of those desires that just seem to materialize are also less important desires or ones without much riding on them?

“There is a lot riding on this.”

The key is to release whatever it is you have “riding” on your desire. It weighs down your desire, makes it slow and sluggish, and keeps it from materializing in your life. The more you have riding on your desires, the more you will cling to them. That clinging can block you from getting what you want.

When you have a lot riding on getting what you want, the likelihood of bad decisions goes way up. The added pressure to get it right and perform perfectly can make you too anxious to communicate or negotiate well.

Use tapping to free you and your desire from all of those expectations and burdens.

Tapping is a great way to release some of the pressure and stress that builds up around things that you want or need. Here is how you use it:

Start by imagining something you really want or NEED. You can also choose something that you have wanted for a long time that still seems like it’s “too much to ask”.

Give your level of need a number from one to ten – zero being, “I’m fine without it.” and ten being, “Everything will fall apart if I don’t get it.”

In your mind, imagine the process of acquiring it as vividly as possible. Then tap this protocol out loud.

Note: This is a sample tapping protocol that you can use as a template for your own, unique circumstances.

Let’s Tap!

You can also click here for the tap-along video.

Say the set-up statements while tapping on your Karate Chop (KC) Point:

Even though I am scared of failing, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Even though I have so much riding on this, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Even though I feel like I need to control this process the whole time, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Then tap through the points…

Top of your head (TH): I really need this.

Eye Brow (EB): What if I don’t get it?                       

Outside of the Eye (OE): What if it doesn’t happen? 

Under Eye (UE): I have to succeed.

Under Nose (UN): I have no backup plan.

Chin (CH): Everything will fall apart!

Collarbone (CB): If I release control, it will fall apart.

KC: If I look away, it will fall apart.

TH: And I don’t really have control anyway.

EB: But worrying about it keeps me engaged.

OE: It makes me feel like I have a tiny bit of control.

UE: The worry makes me feel like I can manage the outcome.

UN: But I know in my heart that my “need” is keeping my desire at bay.

CH: As long as I hang on to it, I won’t be rejected.

CB: I’m afraid to let it go because then I might fail.

KC: Failure would be awful.

TH: If I fail, all is lost.

EB: I’d be so embarrassed!

OE: I’d be so ashamed.

UE: I’d be so human.

UN: Everybody fails sometimes.

CH: It means that I tried something worthwhile.

CB: At least it was worthwhile to me.

KC: And I’m the only one who matters.

TH: The people who love and support me will be there for me, no matter what.

EB: I’ll bounce back like the champ I am.

OE: I’ll be ok.

UE: I’m tough.

UN: What happens if I half succeed?

CH: That could happen, too.

CB: This might “kind of” work out and it will be a half-victory.

KC: There may be variables that I have not considered.

TH: Or I might get exactly what I want.

EB: My best-case scenario might unfold perfectly.

OE: There could just as easily be a happy dance in my future.

UE: I choose to focus on the outcome I want.

UN: Knowing that I will be ok either way. Anything can happen.

CH: I choose to release this worry and fear.

CB: Odds are I’ll succeed.

KC: I choose to release my desire so that I can welcome the result.

TH: I’ll be so thrilled!

EB: I’ll be so proud!

OE: I’ll be so relieved!

UE: I’ll be so human!

UN: Everybody succeeds epically sometimes.

CH: It means that I tried something epic and succeeded.

CB: I choose to appreciate my efforts.

KC: I choose to enjoy the ride.

Take a deep breath.

Ask for what you want and you increase the chances of getting it! These tips will put you on the path to comfortably asking for what you really want and getting it.

Please keep in touch and let me know how it goes!

Nancy

PS – If you avoid asking for what you really want because you feel undeserving or unworthy, contact me and we can clear those negative beliefs.

PPS – If you are hazy about what you really want, contact me and I’ll help you work that out.

Don’t spend any more time convincing yourself that second or third best is satisfying when it really is not.

If you feel perpetually unfulfilled, if you feel like there must be something more but can’t quite put your finger on it, if you are waiting for a sign, then you may have hidden your desires away. Let’s work together to reveal your true desires and purpose.

Imagine the feeling of surety that comes from knowing exactly what you want. Imagine that sense of purpose running through your veins. How will you be different when you see your path clearly?